My focus

This post was originally written August 8.

I really just can't even explain how much I dislike and love this journey all at the same time. It has sooo many moments of good and then the moments that are not so good, turn good because I have such an amazing and loving and REAL God! I feel like this time has strengthened Lee and I's relationship so much. We have talked more and prayed more together this year than any other year of our marriage! It has also strengthened our family. I mean, we are just soo thankful for the amazing son we already have. He just seems to amazing us everyday. And everyday we are like..."wow, we are so blessed to be his parents!" 
As I was driving to school the other day...(not the morning I was in a rush and got into a finder bender in the gas station parking lot)....(no, another day!) and thinking and praying about wanting to get pregnant and have a baby. All the sudden its like God spoke so clearly to ME! See, that's what I mean about those dark moments that can change to blessed moments because of the King that we serve! I feel like HE told me to really really trust Him. I say that I trust him, but do I really? If you ask something of someone and you trust them, do you constantly think and worry and bug that person about it? No, probably not. I realized that God has me right where I am for a reason. I am not pregnant right now. I am not sick and tired and having to put a lot of focus on growing a baby. So, where does He want my focus. I don't think He has me in this waiting time for no reason and with nothing to do. So what does he want me to be doing and thinking about/ and praying about?  WHO does he want me to be focused on?  As I met all my students last night at Open House, and heard some of their stories, I can only think He wants me able to be there for them 100% when I am at school. I am excited to start a new year. And even though I am disappointed that I am not pregnant I know God has awesome things in store for me.